matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
