I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
