..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
