1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
