Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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