i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
