We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
