Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize