I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
