Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I would ride that face into the sunset
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
