Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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