Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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