Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
