theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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