This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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