I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
