I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
