Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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