How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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