you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
