I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
