Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
