look no pants
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
