my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
