Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
someone get that fucking seahorse.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize