If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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