I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
