I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
