she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
be right there i have to get my cape
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
