My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You can't special order awesome
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
