phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
