is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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