i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
