"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize