just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
