She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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