woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
