Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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