HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
