a queef is a wish your heart makes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
