She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
