im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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