quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize