it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize