But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I would fuck him just for his dog
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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