Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
