i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
