Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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