It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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