3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
