five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
