If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
