New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
