You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
