So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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