I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dick very happy bro
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
