I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
