No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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