I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
