Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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