Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize