I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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