It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
