New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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