I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
