I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
