I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
