There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
