Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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