I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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