Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
