Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
