I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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