sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize