dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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