watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You're like the curious george of whores
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
