I can text with my tongue
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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