woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
