he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
