It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
