ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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