She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
