i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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