The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize