She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
