I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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