I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i believe in u and ur pee
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
