just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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