It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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