Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
