If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
