it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
